Healed to the best of your understanding.

When my dad died, I realized that I had been subconsciously waiting for him to want a relationship with me. With my hope turned on low, I still hoped he would one day reach out to me in response to all my pass efforts... but he refused to send word to me, to request my presence, to offer reconciliation. That saddened me, but I realized he preferred to go to his grave before reconciling our relationship. Building a relationship was of no interest to him. And I’m okay with his preference. Understanding that about him put my interactions with men in a whole new light. My intolerance, my harshness. My hope, my repeated efforts. My exhaustion and frustration. My desire to build a relationship and lack of understanding of how to go about it. My ineffective communication and my inability to get what I want – a husband and family of my own.

Small Ripples, Big Impact

Over the last few months, I've been trying harder than usual to make sense of life (in general) and the people who have crossed my path (more specifically). Attempting to understand the vagaries of life and relationships has proved to be a futile effort which soon ended with me throwing up my hands and accepting that nothing matters at all. A devastating thought. Crushing, actually, and depressing because if nothing in life matters, it stood to reason that I didn't matter either.

Video: This Time by John Legend

I'm posting within an hour of hearing this song - it was so powerful to me. I'm trying to get up and clean, but in the middle of my quiet, slow Saturday, I start surfing channels and stopped on BET to watch their showing of back-to-backs of "The Game," a TV series about a fictional football teamContinue reading "Video: This Time by John Legend"

Interview: Matt & Sarah Hammitt on Their Marriage & Song (Lead Me)

Goodness, there's nothing to add to Matt and Sarah's words. They discuss elements of their marriage that lead to Matt writing Lead Me for his band, Sanctus Real. Click below to listen. The Story Behind "Lead Me" - Sanctus Real from BrightBulb Entertainment on Vimeo. Read more about the song in "A Tale of TwoContinue reading "Interview: Matt & Sarah Hammitt on Their Marriage & Song (Lead Me)"

Duality of Man: Strength and Vulnerability

The song is a prayer for God to lead the man – the husband, the father – to be the strength of his family – the provider, comforter and defender – through the grace and power of God. It’s a moving prayer asking for the strength to love with his presence and the best offerings of his life. It’s such a vulnerable plea, but there’s so much power in it.