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Video: “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person”

by Alain de Botton

This is such a phenomenal human teaching.

Phrases I had to pause the video for (i.e., my notes):

  • Love is a skill, not an instinct. It needs time be learned. We’re taught to follow our feelings, which usually lead us astray.
    • Vulnerability is key.
  • We don’t know how to love.
    • To love someone is to apply charity of interpretation.
    • We start off with idealization and end up with denigration.
    • Love is not just admiration for strength, it’s tolerance for weakness and recognition of ambivalence.
  • We’re seeking partners that feel familiar.
    • We are not on a quest to be happy; we are on a quest to suffer in ways that feel familiar.
  • If you do not explain, you will never be understood.
  • Good enough.
    • None of us are perfect, but we demand perfection. The demand for perfection will lead us to loneliness.
    • You cannot have perfection and company. To spend time in company with another person is to be negotiating imperfections every day.
  • We are all incompatible, but it is the work of love to make us graciously accommodating to each other and our own incompatibilities. Therefore, compatibility is an achievement of love.
  • We aren’t able to change our type, but we can change how we respond to our type.
  • Compromise is noble.

Either/or, Part I free download: Either – Or (volume One) : Humphrey Milford, Oxford University Press : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Either/or, Part II free download: Either/or : Kiekegaard Soren : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

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Video MR3.4: Partnership of Different Strengths

This portion of the discussion explores the concept of partnership of different strengths. Is the last part of our #Zoom discussion on Adam/Adamah and Chavah/Eve in Part 3 of Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles. All told, we were on the line for about four hours and touched on many topics and themes. It’s been quite the learning exercise editing long videos down to shorter conversational pieces.

Partnership of Different Strengths

The next discussion on Elizabeth/Zechariah and Mary/Joseph (MR Part 5) is tentatively planned for Saturday, December 19, 9:00am Mountain Time. I’m aiming to keep it under 1.5 hrs. 😉 Email BibleStudy@harvest-life.org for link details.

 

Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles, Part 3
Video Part 3.4: Partnership with Different Strengths
Text: Genesis 1-5, Revelation 22

  • God – The Ultimate Everything
  • What idea are you choosing above your relationship with God?
  • How important is being equally yoked with your partner?
  • Church Hurts: Looking for a compatible congregation
  • Nomads in transition
  • If you generalize, you will generally be in trouble.

Dorina’s questions

  • Can Believers in Jesus marry non-believers?
  • Is a solitary faith journey okay?

Reference verses:

Related posts:

Related book:

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Video MR3.2: Oneness in Humanity & Community in Creation

Video Part 3.2: Oneness of Humanity + Community in Creation

Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles

Bible Study Series Part 3: Adam/Adamah + Chavah/EveMan + WomanHuman + Spirit

  • A rib, a half or a whole? – Who came first or what were we first?
  • Human first – merging of body and spirit. Gender second.
  • Are you an adam? Do you avoid taking accountability.

Text: Genesis 1-5, Revelation 22

We meet bi-weekly. Join the conversation! Subscribe to Harvest-Life-org

 

#bible #biblestudy #discussion #learningwithfriends #adamandeve #manwoman #humanspirit #humanity #spirituality #genesis #harvestlife #harvestlifer #harvestlifeorg

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Video MR2.0: Marriage & Relationship Series Intro

This first video for the Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles series is an introduction of me (LaShawnda), my company and the study series. I also begin to explore the importance of naming. Each meeting is focused on one or two Biblical couples. We explore the main theme, elements, issues and lessons of their marriage and dominant relationships. For the longer discussions, the videos will be cut up into parts. Video Part 2.1 is a larger discussion of Abraham/Sarah and Hosea/Gomer. The proposed discussion questions for these couples are posted in Discussion Questions: Marriage & Relationship, Part 2 .

 

Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles Bible Study Series Part 2:

  • Topic: Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah + Hosea and Gomer
  • Text: Genesis 12-13, 15-18, 20-22: Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah
  • Text: Book of Hosea: Hosea and Gomer

Video Part 2.0

  • Series Intro
  • Importance of Naming

We meet bi-weekly. Join the conversation! Subscribe to Harvest-Life-org. Feel free to post comments and questions below.

#bible #biblestudy #discussion #learningwithfriends #adamandeve #manwoman #humanspirit #humanity #spirituality #genesis #harvestlife #harvestlifer #harvestlifeorg

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Marriage & Relationship: Modern Conflicts vs. Biblical Principles, Part 3

Join me Tuesday, November 17, 2020 for Part 3 of the Marriage & Relationships: Modern Conflicts vs. Biblical Principles virtual study. We will explore the marriage of Adam/Adamah & Chavah/Eve and the relationship between Man/Woman and Human/Spirit.

Text: Genesis 1-5, Revelation 22

Discussion questions will be posted in advance of the Zoom call. Feel free to add any questions you may want to discuss to this post or the Discussion Question post.

Zoom Meeting Details

Topic: Marriage & Relationship: Modern Conflicts vs. Biblical Principles, Part 3
Time: Nov 17, 2020 07:30-9:30 AM Mountain Time (US and Canada)
Scheduled for this time every 2 weeks on Tue, until Feb 23, 2021, 8 occurrence(s)

Please download and import the following iCalendar (.ics) files to your calendar system. Bi-Weekly: https://us04web.zoom.us/meeting/upYlcumvqj8qHNG7syUqVlPAiDwJg33NrtHr/ics?icsToken=98tyKu6qpj4qHdCRsB-CR7YQGo_4c-3wiClfgo16ywz8NjFlbjPXP8ZVGLUsQ_bC

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us04web.zoom.us/j/72850744065?pwd=SVVuMjY2Nk9sSmYwYWZXY0JCSnUxQT09

Meeting ID: 728 5074 4065
Passcode: Lqv4AZ

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Discussion Questions: Marriage & Relationship, Part 2

Naming and Storytelling

Of the four stories we’re reviewing (Pt 1: Jacob/Leah/Rachel, Naomi/Ruth/Boaz; Pt 2: Abram/Sarai, Hosea/Gomer):

  • Which two names and meanings resonate with you and why?
  • What does your name mean?
  • What is the root or history of your name?
  • How does your name relate to your overall story?
  • What does your name tell you about yourself?
  • What drives you?

Relationships Tell a Story

What are the primary and secondary relationships in the four stories and how do they impact or drive the story?

What principle [a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief] stands out to you from the stories we’ve read? Do you see this principle exhibited in relationships you have a view of?

Is polygamy a violation of the principle of oneness (Genesis 2:24-25)?

  • Does surrogacy (as done in the Bible) violate the union between husband and wife?
  • If man and woman are to join together in marriage, what issues do you see with adultery and surrogate mothers (ex. Hagar, Bilhah and Zilpah)?
  • How do these issues seep into the larger family and community?
  • How do they impact what becomes culture and tradition?

Here are some resources I’ve been digging into.

The Bible Project creates excellent topic and book video summaries (all under 10 minutes).

Name research

Principles

The next Zoom discussion will be November 3, 2020, 7:00am MST/9:00am CT/10:00 ET/4:00pm GMT

Email harvestlife2020@gmail.com for Zoom connection link.

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Virtual Bible Study: Marriage & Relationship

This is a follow-up to You’re Invited: Virtual Bible Study. The first discussion has been scheduled. Yay! It will be a recorded Zoom call on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 at 9:00am Central Time. The topic is Marriage & Relationship: Modern Concepts vs. Biblical Principles.

  • Text: Book of Ruth: Naomi, Ruth and Boaz
  • Text: Genesis 29-31: Jacob, Rachel and Leah

Zoom details:

Please note the call will be recorded and shared.
Time: Oct 20, 2020 09:00 AM Central Time (US and Canada)
Join: https://us04web.zoom.us/j/72581560853?pwd=Vm0yK1p0Yk5rUWIrVEtnbVJ3dklyUT09
Meeting ID: 725 8156 0853
Passcode: CSV2T2

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Sermon: Why Marriage? by Nik Godshall

Nik Godshall’s sermon titled, “Why Marriage?” is an excellent message about the beauty of maintaining sexual purity for marriage and continuing with faithfulness in the relationship. I love that as a young pastor, Nik confronts the entertainment, media and societal lies promoting sexual promiscuity. He shares how he himself struggled with what he was seeing in the world vs how he wanted to use his body.

Listen here and share.

Be blessed.

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7 Truths About Marriage You Will Not Hear In Church

NisheEver wish you had the answers to a test before you walked into the classroom? Maybe some of you did have the answers, but you better keep that to yourself. I took some really hard tests during my time in college. And if you spent time in college you remember review days. The professor would…

via 7 Truths About Marriage You Will Not Hear In Church — Thought Catalog

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An Open Letter: Woman to Man

When Jesus came to the area of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His followers, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
They answered, “Some say you are John the Baptist. Others say you are Elijah, and still others say you are Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
Then Jesus asked them, “And who do you say I am?”
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.”
Jesus answered, “You are blessed, Simon son of Jonah, because no person taught you that. My Father in heaven showed you who I am. So I tell you, you are Peter. On this rock I will build my church, and the power of death will not be able to defeat it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; the things you don’t allow on earth will be the things that God does not allow, and the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows.”
~ Matthew 16:13-19 (Mark 8:27-30)

Dear Man:
Please note: What others say about you will never trump what I see in you and believe about you.

Though my day to day feelings about you derive in part from your treatment of me, my vision and knowledge of you is God-given. You may think the accolades of others will win me over. You may also think that what you do for others will make you shine brighter in my eyes. You would be wrong on both counts. You can bend over backwards for everyone in the world, but if you aren’t willing to even stand up and face me, why should the opinions of other people matter to me? Your relationships with everyone else in the world do not create space for a relationship with me. Those relationships do not even accommodate an {us}. Your relationship with others is about you and them. They have nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with us. For that reason, I am not impressed by what other people think of you because their experience of you is not representative of my experience of you.

Right now, in this moment, my struggle is seeing everything you are willing to do for others while remembering everything you have been unwilling to do for me. This knowledge continually leads to resentment, bitterness and separation.

Your struggle is admitting you are in error; that you have squandered time and taken love for granted. Pride is the downfall of every man, however, all is not loss. You, my dear Man, are a conqueror. Should you choose to accept your assignment, you can make everything right with just a word.

You love the Word of God, but you won’t speak a word to me.

You enjoy life, but you won’t share yours with me.

You yearn for the light but you keep me in a shadowy pit.

You admire modesty but the way you waste time is the most painful extravagance to witness.

You think you’re humble, but your spirit strives against me in a rage of hurt masculine pride.

You think love and war are synonymous. They aren’t. Love may be confrontational but it is not destructive. War is targeted violence and willful destruction. Creating and maintaining conflict is not an expression of caring.

You go on and on about love and grace, but what love and grace have you shown to me? Where is your mercy? Where is the love of Christ for the woman you would have as wife?
OLDER-COUPLEI do not hold a grudge against you, but I will not fight endlessly with you either. I know what you want; I know what you need, but I can’t force you to receive anything from me.

I have been equipped to nurture, love and honor your life with my being. I have been created to share your breath and expand your life.

I have prepared for you, but I am not willing to be everything I can be to a man who is content to be nothing more than a disconnected observer of my life.

You will not drain me dry and leave me nothing for myself. I won’t allow you to do that. God has shown me too much of Himself in me for me to throw myself away according to your whim.

I will not support a man who doesn’t support me. That would be energy you take from me without replenishing it. Your confidence should not cost me mine.

I will not attempt to stand beside a man who has no interest in standing beside me. To do so invites heartbreak every hour of every day.

I will not chase anyone who is not pursuing me. I am the good thing you are responsible for shepherding, but I am also responsible for where I choose to go. You lead, I follow. When you stop leading, I stop following. Remember that.

Relationships are built on mutuality and thrive on reciprocity. I cannot build with someone who is constantly attacking me. Passive aggressive behavior is violent in nature. You may “only” be emotionally dismissive, neglectful, and stoic, but each instance is an attack on everything I see in and believe about you. Such behavior attacks everything I understood about us from the vision I was first given.

If you want a woman who will sit at your feet and praise you continuously while you spend your time and energy praising everyone else, then you have my blessing and encouragement to keep looking for her. I am not the woman for you.

If you want a woman who will encourage you, despite your refusal to acknowledge her words, then again I say, I am not the woman for you. Go in peace and live a joyful and bountiful life elsewhere.

But,

If you want a woman who will strive to communicate with understanding and who will use her tongue only to bless and lift you up, then I say I am your woman.

If you want a woman who will walk, run, dance and ride through life with you in all its triumphant glory and devastating tragedy as a partner – hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder with arms linked – I am your woman.

If you want a woman to build with – from scratch or from leveraged land and materials – I am your blessed goodness. I am your wow-factor.

If you want me, you must recognize you are joining with a woman who knows her place in God’s Kingdom. My place is not subordinate to you. My place is one of honor, not disgrace or shame. My place is by your side as co-ruler of all we are blessed to supervise and manage as stewards. My joy in you derives from your recognition of your place in my life.

Be the man you were created to be, Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, breath of my breath, joy of my joy. Be true to God. Be true to yourself. Be true to me.

At night on my bed,
I looked for the one I love;
I looked for him, but I could not find him.
I got up and went around the city,
in the streets and squares,
looking for the one I love.
I looked for him, but I could not find him.
The watchmen found me as they patrolled the city,
so I asked, “Have you seen the one I love?”
As soon as I had left them,
I found the one I love.
I held him and would not let him go
until I brought him to my mother’s house,
to the room where I was born.
~ Song of Solomon 3:1-4

Song: Say You Love Me by Jesse Ware