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Did I stop fighting?

All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my brothers. I had to fight my cousins and my uncles. A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men. But I never thought I’d have to fight in my own house.

Sophia, The Color Purple by Alice Walker

A message in season?

Tabitha Brown posted this message this morning and it gave me pause. I’ve been thinking about it all day.

Somebody needs to hear this: You feel like life is wearing you out. Like it is literally beating you down and you feel like you’re losing. But God said you feel that way because you ain’t fighting back. You ain’t fighting back. Honey, you are letting things happen; you ain’t putting up no fight. It’s time to fight back. Ok? You can’t just letting the world and things beat you down. You got everything you need inside of you to fight back. But it right here. You gotta believe it. You gotta believe you can get up, stand up and you can fight back. Get in the fight, alright!

It’s a lovely encouraging message and somewhat energizing. But, I’ve been done for a while. Over it. Sick and tired of everything and everybody. Siting deep in a “don’t wanna be bothered” stage. Only interested in hibernating and settling in comfort as a recluse in Hermit Ville. All while telling myself it’s only for a season. Surely once I finish my current task, I will have time, patience, and interest for interacting with people again.

Even while being honest with my mindset, heart condition and low spirit, I didn’t see myself as quitting or giving up on fighting faith’s continuous battle. But truthfully how can one still fight when they’ve laid down their arms and energy?

For two years, I’ve been trudging along in a space I didn’t plan on being in for any extended period. For five years, I’ve been attempting to rewrite my life and change its trajectory. Only to seemingly end up worse off than when I started.

Transformation isn’t linear

Currently, nothing in my life is as I want it or as I envisioned it. Yet three years ago, I was content in a happy place. Living in peaceful tranquility in a home I built in the most beautiful mountain setting I could imagine. It’s the hurt of my life that I allowed unhinged serpents to taint my garden, yet again, and run me out of my promised land. I had claimed my land of milk and honey and let it go in fear. Like Elijah running from Jezebel, I too sought refuge in the wilderness of a country that provides no safe places. I too, have been struggling to hear God’s whisper in the furious thunder of storms, fires and the quakes of fear, uncertainty and self-doubt. Is it here that I fight, Father? Or here that I stand? Is it time to move forward or time to sit still. Do I speak now or remain quiet. Am I embracing or pushing away? The sunlight is warm but the shadows bring comfort.

Great faith doesn’t save you from exhaustion and self-doubt. Yet holding on to be rescued by the nourishing provision and gentle reminders of our Creator gives make the bout of doubt worthwhile.

Who am I that the King of the world
Would give one single thought about my broken heart?
Who am I that the God of all grace
Wipes the tears from my face and says, “Come as you are”?

me on Your Mind, Matthew West

The neighbor that ran me out of my home, bragged about pulling his gun on people in public spaces. He bragged about making calls to the White House in such volume and vitriol that the Secret Service sent the local sheriff to give him a warning. He incited a mob of neighbors against me and planned on burning my home down because I was “doing too much” to enhance my property. I found out because he offered to relocate my Air BnB guests to a hotel so they wouldn’t be harmed. how do you fight that level of demented evil? How do you combat the psychosis of someone who wants to destroy what you have simply because they don’t want you to have it? The only way to fight on that level is to get on that level. To willingly taint my heart, mind and spirit with the evil intent to cause equal harm.

I haven’t stopped fighting simply because I just don’t want to fight anymore. I stopped from exhaustion. All of life has been a fight with no sustained reward. And the viciousness of the enemy is nothing I can, or am willing to, match.

For a couple of months I was willing to do that. My first response was to hit back. Restraining order. Told him to mind his business. Stay off my property. Don’t talk to my guests. What I left unsaid to him was: any fire that burns my house down was going to burn his as well. I imagined getting a gun – I deplore guns. I envisioned shoot-outs at my front door and wondered if I would be able to able to get shots off from bed if he and his cronies burst through my doors and windows in the middle of the night.

After months of not sleeping through the night, anticipating fire and other hate-filled assaults, I acknowledged eating vitriol and vengeance didn’t do my body, mind or spirit any good. Soon after, I decided to sell my house. My refuge in the wilderness of the world was no longer a peaceful or tranquil space.

I’m a observer, not a fighter

Last year, my first long-term temp job in years, fired me following a performance discussion filled with racist and sexist commentary. My first reaction, after filming a couple of outraged videos was to contact EEOC. I had documented months of racist comments that I had spoken to my agency about. The EEOC representative outlined the complaint process as taking many months. I didn’t have it in me to fight for a job I didn’t want and was happy to be rid of. Not fighting back was becoming a default way for me.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
I don’t have to be strong enough

Strong Enough, Matthew West

However, that doesn’t mean I’m not protecting myself in other ways. Conditioning and preparation are helpful in future battles. Though I didn’t do any gun training in Arizona, getting a license to carry was one of the first things I did my first summer back in Wisconsin, months after selling my mountain home. Nearly two years in, I still haven’t held a gun or made it a range; getting used to the idea of holding such a weapon requires time to process. I’ve been on my third long-term temp assignment for the last five months at an elementary school and I’ve been an astute observer of casual racism and unconscious bias. I haven’t alerted anyone to it. I’m done with confrontation as well. It’s interesting to me to have experienced the threat of a lynch mob in a near retirement community followed by observing the racially skewed conditioning of elementary students in an urban environment.

Although my first reaction to life’s egregious situations is outrage and umbrage, my gifts and positioning lie in observation and storytelling. So as much as the conditioned fighter in me wants to rise up and kick ass, I recognize that I am not called to be like David, God’s warrior king.

Pilate retorted. “Your own people and their leading priests brought you to me for trial. Why? What have you done?”

Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”

Pilate said, “So you are a king?”

Jesus responded, “You say I am a king. Actually, I was born and came into the world to testify to the truth. All who love the truth recognize that what I say is true.”

John 18:35-37

Unexpected invitation

A couple of hours after Tabitha Brown’s message sparked and challenged me, I received a text from an unknown number inviting me to a Matthew West concert that night. I don’t normally respond to unknown numbers, but an old friend had been trying to connect me with another of her friends who had recently returned Milwaukee. The mutual friend had suggested we go a Tauren Wells concert a couple of weeks ago. There had been a whole email chain I had been months late to seeing and responding to so I texted the woman to make contact once I caught up. That concert came and went with no reply to my text, so I left it alone.

It crossed my mind that the unknown number could be the person trying to connect with me for several months. I replied that I didn’t know the number and asked who they were looking for. She identified herself as the person our mutual friend had been trying to connect me with. I had already committed to staying in the house all day, but because I had been so difficult to connect with, I accepted the invitation after a bit of back and forth.

Been a hard season, it’s been a broken road
All the dreams I was dreaming, they went up in smoke
But I keep on believing there is a reason for this hard season

Hard season, Matthew West

Nourishing reminder

The concert was refreshing and revitalizing. It was the first social event I’ve shared with anyone since returning to Milwaukee two years ago. Basically, I needed it. Towards the end of the concert, I began writing this post. Something about being immersed in creative and testimonial spaces saturates me into overflowing.

I needed to be reminded of the promises of God. I needed to hear a storyteller share his and others testimonies. I needed to remember that the power of my tongue is not in silence, it’s in speaking truth which gives life. Perhaps I needed an outline of how observation and storytelling are indeed forms of fighting for Believers. The wisdom of song, storytelling and testimony provide much needed encouragement and vigor to those who must endure. I haven’t given myself credit for the endurance of standing.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Ephesians 6:13-18

The ways of the world will twist and toss us about in reckless heaps. Reconciling what you know in your spirit with the visceral reactions of your flesh is a battle that keeps us off-balance throughout life. A survival trick is to remember the flesh and spirit are naturally in opposition, but flesh can be conditioned to align with the spirit.

Still standing and testifying

When we’re under attack, we want to retaliate in the flesh, but the best tactical response is collecting the information of the experience to enrich our testimony. Every day we’re on this earth is another day of survival we can talk about. To paraphrase Tabitha Brown, just because the world and things are beating us down, doesn’t mean we have to stay down. Unlike my initial understanding of her message, we don’t have to get our licks back. Life doesn’t have to be tit for tat. We can learn to let the evildoers do what they do without rushing our response or testimony. We can choose to allow our shoes of peace to carry us to places where the Good News of our testimony will be well received.

For the accuser of our brothers and sisters
    has been thrown down to earth—
the one who accuses them
    before our God day and night.
And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
    and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much
    that they were afraid to die.

Revelation 12:10-11
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Songs that held me together in 2022

Zach Williams’s music has been my soundtrack for at least the last three years. And I had no idea until a few months ago. He wrote and performed songs that seemed to pull my heart out and wring the tears directly from it. His voice is rich and soulful and his writing is soul therapy. If you haven’t enjoyed his music yet, do yourself a favor and listen to his last three albums.

Along this thought train, I want to share a smaller volume of songs that have ministered to me over the last year. Here are my top picks from K-Love’s rotation plus one from elsewhere. Be blessed as you go.

My playlist on Amazon Music: 2022 Songs that Held Me Together
https://music.amazon.com/user-playlists/18464eec4dc1417481a69ed338324e8bsune?ref=dm_sh_0sTpYdIeakYqi91AyZmCSbnmp

Amazon playlist: January 2023 favorites
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Womanhood: Evidence of God’s Goodness

A Song & Verse Post: Evidence by Josh Baldwin

evidence: the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid

Every time Evidence comes on in the car I want to pull over and praise God. Today, I came to home to write.

All throughout my history Your faithfulness has walked beside me.

There is not one period of my life that I cannot identify the presence of God and His work in me. I remember being baptized around the age of six. Though I had no understanding of what that meant at the time, I can literally look back on my life to that moment and see how God has held on to me through every devastation, betrayal, abuse, disillusionment and every step of rebuilding and healing.

I remember my one-dollar lock and key diaries from Walgreens that were full of my seven-year-old pleadings for God to save me from the near daily sexual abuse I was subjected to. “Dear God, he did it again. Please make him stop!” Years of one or two line prayers. Silent screams. One day, four years later, God called me out of my house (I didn’t recognize His hand then, but I certainly do now) and guided me on a walk to a nearby police station outpost. I knocked on the door and said to the officer who answered, “I’m being molested.”

From that moment forward, I was never again forced to share space with my violators.

The winter storms made way for spring. In every season, from where I’m standing I see the evidence of Your goodness all over my life. I see Your promises in fulfillment all over my life.

I grew up in families – both sides – that didn’t acknowledge abuse or trauma. Everyone is either a victim or a perpetrator. If anyone could claim to be on the sidelines, they would act deaf, dumb, blind and incapable for standing against any wrongdoing.

A few years after I had forgiven my dad, and a few years before he died, he asked me why I act better than I am. “You’re from the ghetto, you’ll always be ghetto.” This was during the “healing and repair” of our relationship, mind you. It was also one of our last conversations.

Imagine being told by someone who should have molded you for greatness, that you were never expected to rise above his level of filth, disease, psychological, sexual and spiritual bondage. Imagine being looked upon with disgust by a man who, for all intent and purpose, murdered you as a child and then being told as an adult woman that you were expected to remain dead.

At that time, I hadn’t yet started my dedicated faith walk. I was still journaling – writing prayers to God – but the Bible remained a mystery to me. Nothing was catching or keeping. However, I can look back on that time now and see it as the beginning of release in my life. I tried so hard to reconcile that relationship, but when I stopped holding on – when I stopped trying – it was easy to see that I had been on my own the whole time.

I believe firmly that God desires willing hearts most – a desire to conform to His Word in practice and deed. However, He has never allowed me to remain open to those who intentionally harm me repeatedly. I view this as God’s judgement on the other person’s heart condition, rather than my inability to be faithful and obedient to Grace and Mercy.

Imagine telling your sire: I’m more than my beginnings. I’m more than the seed you contributed to my being. I’ve become more than a little girl from the ghetto.

Help me remember when I’m weak, fear may come but fear will leave.

It’s said that we can do anything we can imagine. Yet our imagination is limited by what we’re exposed to. What if we’re exposed to people who can’t see beyond their own dark pits?

I went into a deep depression in my late thirties. My mom died at the age of thirty-six and when I reached that age, my future dimmed to darkness. It was difficult to climb out of my second grave by letting go of the woman I thought I would have become by then. My mother began life as a sharecropper’s granddaughter in rural Mississippi, but I only ever saw her as the best of all created beings. As difficult as her life had been, she had at least accomplished the Holy Grail of Womanhood (according to society) – marriage and children. No matter that she tied herself to a rotten man and worked multiple minimum wage jobs to house and feed her children, she remained the epitome of everything to me. It was difficult to see myself as worthy of more time in this world than she had. Harder still to face the length of her lifespan without even a taste of the Holy Grail of Womanhood.

The end of beginnings is the beginning of letting go.

You lead my heart to victory. You are my strength and You always will be.

My birthday this year will put me at ten years beyond the lifespan of my mother – and still not even a lick of the traditional Holy Grail of Womanhood. Today, I can say I am completely fine with that. In recent years I’ve not only learned to embrace my solitude, I’ve come to appreciate it, honor it and protect it. There’s something being forged in me that I can’t articulate. That glimpse of greatness that repelled my dad fifteen years ago, is unfurling in a wondrous way. I’ve grown from hiding my light under a bushel to Clarkeshia Kent exposing her S with a declarative chest thrust. Yet my light is still gaining strength. I foresee beaming across the Universe.

Why settle for tradition when the Universe is already mine?

I’m becoming a Woman I never imagined I would be. Nothing about my life today was part of the dream, fantasy or hope. Everything about my life is better than all my mind and heart conjured for me. There’s something to be said about what we’re exposed to. Exposure sounds expansive, but it’s actually limiting. If we only trust what our eyes see, we will be satisfied with that view for our life. However, when we begin to let go of all the dead things – relationships, hopes, dreams, ideals, culture, tradition – we will have room to invite the previously unimaginable in. We will be able to develop into beings of light with experiences beyond the confinement of the world. Living beyond the construct breaks the paradigm. At which point, you’ll actually be able to imagine what previously seemed impossible. Thus, within your reality all things are then possible.

A great portent appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pangs, in the agony of giving birth.

But her child was snatched away and taken to God and to his throne; and the woman fled into the wilderness, where she has a place prepared by God, so that there she can be nourished for one thousand two hundred sixty days.

So when the dragon saw that he had been thrown down to the earth, he pursued[d] the woman who had given birth to the male child. But the woman was given the two wings of the great eagle, so that she could fly from the serpent into the wilderness, to her place where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time.

Then the dragon was angry with the woman, and went off to make war on the rest of her children, those who keep the commandments of God and hold the testimony of Jesus.

~ Revelation 12:1-2, 5-6, 13-14, 17

 

[NOTE: More of my story is shared in Clichés: A Life in Verse, My God and Me, and Desert of Solitude. Some poems from Clichés will be reprinted in I AM WOMAN: Expressions of Black Womanhood in America. All books are available on Harvest-Life.org/shop and Amazon.com]

 

Evidence

by Josh Baldwin w/Dante Bowe

All throughout my history
Your faithfulness has walked beside me
The winter storms made way for spring
In every season, from where I’m standing

I see the evidence of Your goodness
All over my life
All over my life
I see Your promises in fulfillment
All over my life
All over my life

Help me remember when I’m weak
Fear may come but fear will leave
You lead my heart to victory
You are my strength and You always will be

See the cross, the empty grave
The evidence is endless
All my sin rolled away
Because of You, oh Jesus

Why should I fear
The evidence is here

 

See a Victory

by Elevation Worship w/Brandon Lake

The weapon may be formed but it won’t prosper
When the darkness falls it won’t prevail
Cause the God I serve knows only how to triumph
My God will never fail
My God will never fail

I’m gonna see a victory
I’m gonna see a victory
For the battle belongs to You Lord
I’m gonna see a victory
I’m gonna see a victory
For the battle belongs to You Lord

There’s power in the mighty name of Jesus
Every war He wages He will win
I’m not backing down from any giant
I know how this story ends
I know how this story ends

You take what the enemy meant for evil
And You turn it for good
You turn it for good


Sources:

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ACAD – Remnant: Judges 5

The Song of Deborah

Then Deborah and Barak son of Abinoam sang on that day, saying:

“When locks are long in Israel, when the people offer themselves willingly— bless the Lord!

“Hear, O kings; give ear, O princes; to the Lord I will sing, I will make melody to the Lord, the God of Israel.

“Lord, when you went out from Seir, when you marched from the region of Edom, the earth trembled, and the heavens poured, the clouds indeed poured water. The mountains quaked before the Lord, the One of Sinai, before the Lord, the God of Israel.

“In the days of Shamgar, son of Anath, in the days of Jael, caravans ceased and travelers kept to the byways. The peasantry prospered in Israel, they grew fat on plunder, because you arose, Deborah, arose as a mother in Israel. When new gods were chosen, then war was in the gates. Was shield or spear to be seen among forty thousand in Israel? My heart goes out to the commanders of Israel who offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless the Lord.

“Tell of it, you who ride on white donkeys, you who sit on rich carpets and you who walk by the way. To the sound of musicians at the watering places, there they repeat the triumphs of the Lord, the triumphs of his peasantry in Israel.

“Then down to the gates marched the people of the Lord.

“Awake, awake, Deborah! Awake, awake, utter a song! Arise, Barak, lead away your captives, O son of Abinoam. Then down marched the remnant of the noble; the people of the Lord marched down for him against the mighty. From Ephraim they set out into the valley, following you, Benjamin, with your kin; from Machir marched down the commanders, and from Zebulun those who bear the marshal’s staff; the chiefs of Issachar came with Deborah, and Issachar faithful to Barak; into the valley they rushed out at his heels. Among the clans of Reuben there were great searchings of heart. Why did you tarry among the sheepfolds, to hear the piping for the flocks? Among the clans of Reuben there were great searchings of heart. Gilead stayed beyond the Jordan; and Dan, why did he abide with the ships? Asher sat still at the coast of the sea, settling down by his landings. Zebulun is a people that scorned death; Naphtali too, on the heights of the field.

“The kings came, they fought; then fought the kings of Canaan, at Taanach, by the waters of Megiddo; they got no spoils of silver. The stars fought from heaven, from their courses they fought against Sisera. The torrent Kishon swept them away, the onrushing torrent, the torrent Kishon. March on, my soul, with might!

“Then loud beat the horses’ hoofs with the galloping, galloping of his steeds.

“Curse Meroz, says the angel of the Lord, curse bitterly its inhabitants, because they did not come to the help of the Lord, to the help of the Lord against the mighty.

“Most blessed of women be Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, of tent-dwelling women most blessed. He asked water and she gave him milk, she brought him curds in a lordly bowl. She put her hand to the tent peg and her right hand to the workmen’s mallet; she struck Sisera a blow, she crushed his head, she shattered and pierced his temple. He sank, he fell, he lay still at her feet; at her feet he sank, he fell; where he sank, there he fell dead.

“Out of the window she peered, the mother of Sisera gazed through the lattice: ‘Why is his chariot so long in coming? Why tarry the hoofbeats of his chariots?’ Her wisest ladies make answer, indeed, she answers the question herself: ‘Are they not finding and dividing the spoil?— A girl or two for every man; spoil of dyed stuffs for Sisera, spoil of dyed stuffs embroidered, two pieces of dyed work embroidered for my neck as spoil?’ “

So perish all your enemies, O Lord! But may your friends be like the sun as it rises in its might.”

And the land had rest forty years.

Judges 5:1-31 NRSV – https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Judges%205:1-31&version=NRSV

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Song & Verse: Nothing to Hold On To & Abba by Leon Timbo

This weekend I finally spent some quality time within my congregation. I’ve been streaming, skipping, traveling, and visiting – generally not all there. Not all anywhere. This whole year, I’ve been scrambled. Doing too much. All over the place. Not able to write, or journal for that matter. Not even settled or centered enough to edit my Desert of Solitude manuscript.

Yesterday I was determined to sit in the morning and afternoon service. I was equally determined to spend time editing my manuscript after the services. I did both. It felt like a productive day. The end of the first service turned into a spontaneous prayer meeting. Needed it. Needed it all. I prayed. I released. I sang. I wrote. I hit repeat. Picked up groceries on the way home. Cooked myself a meal. Slept like a baby. Woke up on time. Got to work around the time I should (can’t fix everything in one day!).

After lunch today, I put on YouTube at my desk. Sometimes I let the gospel and praise songs play randomly. I’m able to listen through my phone headset, so not to obvious. Except, occasionally, when I give myself away with raised hands, humming, laughs (in place of shouts), verbal amens and hallelujahs. When Nothing to Hold On To came on today, I had to pause. It halted me in my seat. I stopped swaying and listened intently. I’m certain I’ve heard it before, even though it sounded brand new to my ears. It could’ve been the voice. I wasn’t familiar with Leon Timbo’s voice. The lyrics and the voice reached deep into me. There was clutch at my heart and no immediate release. I had to write it down before it ended: Leon Timbo, Lean Not on My Own Understanding. Then I headed to the Ladies room.

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven
I give it all to You, God
Trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me

I want to be beautiful.

That thought spun around my mind and the tears began to flow. They’re still flowing as I write. Life used to be so beautiful. So very lovely and full of hope. Endless possibilities. But I got stuck in a miasma of nothingness. Emptiness. Futility. Routine that bears no good fruit; only bitterness and resentment. What beauty can come from such an existence?

Yet those were the words that cracked open my heart today and released the dam of tears.

Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

One of my edits last night read: “There are certainly those who are content to dump their trash into my ears, mind and life, but those same people choose not to share any measure of their joy or happiness with me. By and large, people have only chosen to sow their darkness into me, even as I attempted to sow my light into their lives. I now have the knowledge, understanding and strength to reject all such offerings.”

There’s nothing I hold on to, ‘cause I’m holding on to You.

When editing another piece titled, “For those who demand everything and give nothing freely,” I was led to add words from Luke 6:27-36. What I wrote on my draft was, He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, as your Father is merciful. This here is why my heart was in a vice grip in the ladies room. I had more to release. I hadn’t let go. I was holding on to nothing while begging for everything – for life. Fixated on the darkness, while searching for my joy and light.

I think that’s part of the reason the first line hooked me, I lean not on my own understanding. I’ve been caught in a loop and unable to see beyond the current cycle.

There’s nothing I hold on to
I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

Nothing I Hold On To

Nothing I Hold On To
Written by Will Reagan and United Pursuit
Performed by Leon Timbo

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven
I give it all to You
God trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me (3x)

There’s nothing I hold on to (4x)

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven (2x)

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open (2x)

Abba

Abba
Written by Jonathan David & Melissa Helser
Performed by Leon Timbo

You’re more real than the ground I’m standing on
You’re more real than the wind in my lungs
Your thoughts define me, You’re inside me
You’re my reality
Abba, I belong to you
Abba, I belong to you

You’re closer than the skin on my bones
You’re closer than the song on my tongue
Your thoughts define me, You’re inside me
You’re my reality

Abba, I belong to you
Abba, I belong to you
Abba, I belong to you
Abba

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Song & Verse: Morning Medley (God Provides, Made a Way & Worship Medley)

A good day to you all!

God Provides by Tamela Mann

God provides, so why do I worry about my life
When you come to my rescue a thousand times
Every other voice it is a lie
God provides

God provides
In ways I can’t explain and can’t deny
The little that I have he multiplies
Just when I feel He won’t show up on time
God provides

He’ll come through
When the clouds of doubt rain down on you
And test everything you thought you knew
Now you finally see what God can do, for you

So tonight,
Close your eyes
There’s no more need to fight
Watch God provide

God provides
It’s hard to say when there’s no food to eat
Or what you see feels all that life will be
And will this be another year of misery, for me
But my faith, can’t survive on just things I see
And my feelings can’t control my destiny
See God I only want what you believe, for me

So tonight,
Close your eyes
There’s no more need to fight
Watch God provide

God provides (yeah, he will provide)
God provides (before your eyes)
God provides (oh, He will, He will)…provides

So tonight,
Close your eyes
There’s no more need to fight
Watch God provide

God provides (He will provide)
God provides (before your eyes, He will)
God provides (whatever your need, I know that He will provide)

God provides (yes, He’ll step right in, in the nick of time, yes He will)
God provides (He’ll open the windows of heaven)
God provides (and pour you out a blessing, you won’t have room to receive, yeah)

So tonight,
Close your eyes
There’s no more need to fight
Watch God provide

Made a Way by Travis Green

Made a way
Don’t know how but you did it
Made a way

Standing here not knowing how we’ll get through this test
But holding onto faith you know best
Nothing can catch you by surprise
You’ve got this figured out and you’re watching us now

But when it looks as if we can’t win
You wrap us in your arm and step in
And everything we need you supply
You got this in control
And now we know that

You made a way
When our backs were against the wall
And it looked as if it was over
You made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way
You made a way

Now we’re here
Looking back on where we come from
Because of you and nothing we’ve done
To deserve the love and mercy you’ve shown
But your grace was strong enough to pick us up

And you made a way
When our backs were against the wall
And it looked as if it was over
You made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

You made a way
When our backs were against the wall
And it looked as if it was over
You made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

You move mountains
You cause walls to fall
With your power
Perform miracles
There is nothing that’s impossible
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

You move mountains
You cause walls to fall
With your power
Perform miracles
There is nothing that’s impossible
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

You move mountains
You cause walls to fall
With your power
Perform miracles
There is nothing that’s impossible
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way

You made a way (x4)

Don’t know how but you did it
Made a way
Don’t know how but you did it
Made a way

Don’t know how but you did it (x4)

Don’t know why but I’m grateful (x6)

And we’re standing here
Only because you made
And we’re standing here
Only because you made a way
And we’re standing here
Only because you made

You move mountain (x4)

You cause walls to fall (x4)

You cause chains to break (x4)

Giants fall (x4)

‘Cause you move mountain
You move mountain
And everything is easy for you
‘Cause you move mountain
Yes you move mountain

Mountains are moving (x4)

Strongholds are breaking (x4)

‘Cause you move mountain
You cause walls to fall

With your power (x4)

You perform miracles (x4)

My son is breathing
My son is living
My son is breathing
My son is living

When the doctor said no, you said yes (x2)

When they pronounced me dead, you said not yet, ah aha
When they called me dead, you said not yet

You perform miracles (x2)

The Worship Medley by Tye Tribbett

I Love you forever. I love you forever. I love forever. Lord. (Repeat)
Will worship forever. Will worship forever. Lord. (Repeat)
**Alternate between the two verses**
Glory To God Forever:
And we give…Glory to God. Glory to God. Glory to God Forever
Glory to God. Glory to God. Glory to God Forever (Repeat)
I Love you forever. I love you forever. I love forever. Lord.
I Love you forever. I love you forever. I love forever. Lord.
I Love you forever. I love you forever. I love forever. Lord.
I Love you forever. I love you forever. I love forever. Lord.
Will worship forever. Will worship forever. Lord
Will worship forever. Will worship forever. Lord
Songwriters: Jonas Myrin / Marty Sampson
The Worship Medley (There Is Nothing Like/Glory To God Forever) lyrics © EMI Music Publishing
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Song & Verse: I Almost Let Go by Kurt Carr

Indeed.

I almost let go. I felt like I just couldn’t take life anymore. My problems had me down. Depression weighed me down. But God held me close so I wouldn’t let go. So I’m here today because God kept me.

I almost let go
I felt like I couldn’t take life anymore
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down

But God held me close
So I wouldn’t let go
God’s mercy kept me
So I wouldn’t let go

I almost gave up
I was right at the edge of a breakthrough
But I couldn’t see it

The devil really had me
But Jesus came and grab me
And He held me close, so I wouldn’t let go
God’s mercy kept me so I wouldn’t let go

So I’m here today because God kept me
I’m alive today only because of His grace
Oh, He kept me, God kept me, He kept me
So I wouldn’t let go

I almost let go
I felt like I couldn’t take life anymore
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down

But God held me close
So I wouldn’t let go
God’s mercy kept me
So I wouldn’t let go

So I’m here today because God kept me
I’m alive today only because of His grace
Oh, He kept me, God kept me
He kept me, God kept me

He kept me, God kept me, He kept me
God kept me, He kept me
So I wouldn’t let go

He kept me, God kept me, He kept me
God kept me, He kept me
So I wouldn’t let go

 

 

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Song & Verse: Worth Fighting For by Brian Courtney Wilson

“Worth Fighting For”

You met me deep in my despair
To show me You
Would never leave me there.
You claimed
Because I was made for so much more
I am Your child
And I’m worth fighting for
Though heavy
With the weight of my mistakes
You carried me
And refused to let me sink
Under the pressure
You meant for me to soar.
I am Your child
And I’m worth fighting for.

Eyes haven’t seen, ears haven’t heard
All You have planned for me
And nothing can separate me from
Your love when there’s so much More still worth fighting for

Now I’m moving by faith and not by
Sight towards victory by the power of Your might
You’re straightening out my past and opening
Every door.
I am Your child and I’m worth fighting for

Eyes haven’t seen. Ears haven’t heard
All You have planned for me and nothing
Can separate me from Your love when
There’s so much more still worth fighting for.

That’s why I’m pressing
Towards the mark
Because the calling on my life is worth fighting for.

And I keep my mind
Stayed on You Jesus
Because the peace it brings is worth fighting for.

And I’ll be faithful.
For my wife and children
Because my family is worth fighting for.

No this world
Is not my home
But Your kingdom here is worth fighting for.

I got a mansion.
Over in glory.
And my new home is worth fighting for

‘Til I see it I’ll shout Hallelujah here
Cause my praise is worth fighting for
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Life with You is worth fighting for

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Life with You is worth fighting for

Eyes haven’t seen. Ears haven’t heard
All you have planned for me
There is so much more still worth fighting for.

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Song & Verse: Worth by Anthony Brown


You thought I was worth saving
So you came and changed my life

You thought I was worth keeping
so you cleaned me up inside

You thought I was to die for
so you sacrificed your life

So I could be free
So I could be whole
So I could tell everyone I know

repeat chorus (3 times)

Hallelujah
Glory to God who changed my life
Forever

Because I am free
Because I am whole
And I will tell everyone I know

Repeat

You thought I was worth saving
So you came and changed my life

You thought I worth keeping
So you cleaned me up inside
You thought I was to die for
You sacrificed your life
So I can be free

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Song & Verse: Once & For All

Song & Verse: Once & For All by Lauren Daigle

From the opening verse…

God I give you what I can today….”
These scattered ashes that I hid away….
I lay it all at Your feet.

 to the refrain…

Oh, let this be
Where I die
My Lord with Thee
Crucified
Be lifted high
As my kingdoms fall
Once and for all
Once and for all

…this song enraptures me and puts my spirit into a state of instant praise and prayer. Father, let me die in You. Pour over me. Don’t let me go. Don’t leave me to my own devices… my habits of self-destruction. Continue to cleanse me. Purify my heart, My Dear Dear Father. Let this be where I die – with You, crucified and lifted high. Survivor of the world; glorified by Your refining fires.

Pour over me….

Let this be where I die… let this moment be the end of me. Help me to release every thought and hope I’ve held tightly to. Cleanse me of every idea of righteousness and right living. Scrub me of the compromises made from my understanding of who I am in this world. Lead me to my full surrender into your embrace and everything I am becoming.

God I give you what I can today… You know I don’t have much – only my hopes, dreams and visions – but I do believe if I give them all back to you they will not remain fruitless dead things. With me, they’ve turned to ashes without ever taking flight… but You said Your Word does not return to You void. You will flesh out everything I’ve given back to you. This I do believe.

From the corners of my deepest shame, the empty places where I’ve worn your name… I tried to be everything I thought I was meant to be only to become no one of value in this world. No one of value to anyone anywhere. What keeps me is my knowledge of You. I’m not so down that I neglect to value who I am in You. I honor who You are in me.

Breathe Your Life into me. Let this be where I come alive. 

 

Once & For All by Lauren Daigle

God I give You all I can today
The scattered ashes
That are hid away
I lay’em all, at Your feet

From the corners
Of my deepest shame
The empty places
Where I’ve worn Your name
Show me the Love
I say I believe

Oh, help me to lay it down
Oh, Lord I’ll lay it down

Oh let this be
Where I die
My Lord with thee, crucified
And be lifted high
Till my kingdoms fall
Once and for all
Once and for all

There is victory
In my saviors loss
And the crimson
Flowing from the cross
Pour over me,
Pour over me, yes

Oh let this be
Where I die
My Lord with Thee, Crucified|
Be lifted high
As my kingdoms fall
Once and for all
Once and for all

Oh, Lord I’ll lay it down
Oh, Lord I’ll lay it down
Help me to lay it down
Oh, Lord I lay it down

Oh let this be where I die
My Lord with Thee, crucified
And be lifted high
As my kingdoms fall
Once and for all
Once and for all
Once and for all
Once and for all