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ChatGPT: Humans in Space 

Introducing ChatGPT 

We’ve trained a model called ChatGPT which interacts in a conversational way. The dialogue format makes it possible for ChatGPT to answer followup questions, admit its mistakes, challenge incorrect premises, and reject inappropriate requests.  

Free Research Preview. ChatGPT may produce inaccurate information about people, places, or facts. ChatGPT May 3 Version 

https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt

From my first session with ChatGPT 

First questions 

LJ: Can human beings sustain life in outer space? 

ChatGPT: Human beings cannot sustain life in the vacuum of outer space without proper protective equipment. Exposure to the harsh conditions of space, including extreme temperatures, radiation, and lack of oxygen, would be lethal to humans. 

However, with the right equipment, such as a spacesuit or a spacecraft, humans can survive for short periods in space. Astronauts on the International Space Station, for example, live and work in a controlled environment that provides them with the necessary air, water, food, and protection from the harsh space environment. 

In the long term, scientists are exploring the possibility of establishing permanent human settlements in space, such as on Mars or in space habitats. However, significant technological advancements and infrastructure would be required to make this a reality. 

[Editor’s note: The answer is “no.”] 

LJ: What is the likelihood of humans transporting all their bad characteristics (racism, classism, elitism, hatred, poverty, greed, etc.) to a new colony on another planet? 

ChatGPT: It is highly likely that humans would transport their negative characteristics, such as racism, classism, elitism, hatred, poverty, greed, etc., to a new colony on another planet if they were to establish one. 

This is because these negative characteristics are deeply ingrained in human society and culture and are often the result of complex historical, social, and economic factors. Even if humans were to start fresh on a new planet, they would still bring their cultural baggage and biases with them, which could lead to the perpetuation of these negative characteristics. 

Moreover, the establishment of a new colony on another planet would likely be a resource-intensive and highly competitive endeavor, which could exacerbate existing inequalities and power dynamics. This could lead to the emergence of new forms of classism, elitism, and greed. 

However, it is also possible that humans could learn from their mistakes and work to create a more equitable and just society on a new planet. This would require a concerted effort to address these negative characteristics and build a culture that values diversity, equality, and cooperation. 

LJ: What is space expanding into? 

ChatGPT: The expansion of space refers to the phenomenon where the distances between galaxies and other celestial objects in the universe are increasing over time. It is not the case that space is expanding into anything, rather it is the fabric of space itself that is expanding. 

The concept of space expanding can be difficult to visualize, but one way to think about it is to imagine the surface of a balloon being inflated. As the balloon expands, the dots on its surface move away from each other, just as galaxies in the universe are moving away from each other as space expands. 

The expansion of space is thought to have started with the Big Bang, the event that is believed to have given rise to the universe as we know it. Since then, the universe has been expanding and cooling, and the expansion of space is accelerating due to a mysterious force called dark energy. 

While the idea that space itself can expand may seem strange, it is a fundamental concept in modern cosmology and is supported by a wide range of observational evidence, including the cosmic microwave background radiation, the large-scale distribution of galaxies, and the brightness of distant supernovae. 

LJ: What was the first language on Earth? 

ChatGPT: It is not possible to determine with certainty what the first language on Earth was. This is because language is a uniquely human creation, and there is no direct evidence that can be used to determine the origin of language. 

However, linguistic scholars have studied the development and evolution of languages and have proposed various theories about the origins of language. One of the most widely accepted theories is that language emerged gradually over a long period of time, as early humans developed the cognitive and vocal abilities necessary for communication. 

According to this theory, the first languages on Earth would have been primitive and simple, consisting of a limited number of words and basic grammatical structures. These early languages would have evolved over time, as humans developed more complex cultures and societies and as different groups of humans migrated to different parts of the world and developed their own unique languages. 

While it is not possible to determine what the first language on Earth was, it is clear that language has been a vital and defining aspect of human culture and society for tens of thousands of years. Today, there are over 7,000 distinct languages spoken around the world, each with its own unique history, structure, and cultural significance. 

LJ: Where was the first settlement for humanity? 

ChatGPT: The exact location of the first settlement for humanity is not known, as it predates recorded history and archaeological evidence of early human settlements is often limited and incomplete. 

However, based on current scientific evidence, it is believed that the earliest human ancestors, such as Australopithecus and Homo erectus, originated in Africa and began to spread out to other parts of the world about two million years ago. 

The earliest known human settlements are from the Stone Age, when humans began to develop agriculture and domestication of animals. Some of the oldest known human settlements are in the Fertile Crescent, a region in the Middle East that includes parts of modern-day Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel, and Palestine. The settlements in this region date back to around 10,000 BCE and were characterized by the development of agriculture and the domestication of plants and animals. 

Other early human settlements have been found in various parts of the world, including Europe, Asia, and the Americas. For example, the ancient city of Jericho in present-day Palestine, which dates back to around 8000 BCE, is considered one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world. 

Overall, the exact location of the first human settlement is difficult to pinpoint, but it is believed to have been in Africa, and from there, humans gradually spread out to other parts of the world. 

LJ: Are humans stardust? 

ChatGPT: Yes, in a sense, humans are made of stardust. The atoms that make up our bodies were created inside stars billions of years ago through nuclear fusion processes. Elements such as carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and iron, which are essential components of all life on Earth, were formed through the fusion of lighter elements in the cores of stars. When stars reach the end of their lifecycles, they can explode in supernova events, scattering these newly formed elements into space. Over time, this stardust can come together to form new stars, planets, and ultimately, life. So, in a way, we are all made of the remnants of ancient stars. 

LJ: Is eternal life based on our composition? 

ChatGPT: Eternal life, in the sense of living forever, is a concept that has been explored in many different cultures and belief systems. From a biological perspective, our ability to live indefinitely is limited by the natural processes of aging and death. Over time, our cells and tissues accumulate damage that can eventually lead to the failure of vital organs and systems. However, some scientists and researchers are exploring the possibility of extending human lifespan through advances in medical technology and genetic engineering. 

In terms of our composition, the idea of eternal life is often linked to the concept of the soul or spirit, which is believed by many religions to be an immaterial aspect of human consciousness that persists beyond physical death. The nature and existence of the soul is a topic of much debate and speculation, and its relationship to our physical bodies and composition is a matter of belief and interpretation. 

After several tangents… 

LJ: Could Earth itself be a human colony? 

ChatGPT: The idea that Earth could be a human colony is a topic of speculation and science fiction rather than a scientific theory or fact. While there is no evidence to support the idea that humans were placed on Earth by an extraterrestrial civilization or that Earth was specifically designed to support human life, it is impossible to rule out the possibility entirely. 

From a scientific perspective, the currently accepted explanation for the origin of life on Earth is that it arose spontaneously through natural processes. The theory of evolution explains how life on Earth has evolved and diversified over billions of years. There is no evidence to suggest that humans were placed on Earth by any external force or agency. 

While the idea of Earth as a human colony may be an interesting topic for speculation, it is not supported by any scientific evidence or mainstream scientific theory. 

LJ: How many galaxies are known in the universe? 

ChatGPT: The exact number of galaxies in the universe is not known, as the observable universe is estimated to contain between 100 billion to 2 trillion galaxies. However, it’s important to note that the observable universe is just a small fraction of the entire universe, which could be much larger than we currently know. 

LJ: What is the percentage of possibility of life elsewhere in the universe? 

ChatGPT: It’s difficult to estimate a precise percentage, but given the vastness of the universe and the number of potentially habitable planets that have been discovered, many scientists believe that it is highly likely that there is some form of life elsewhere in the universe. The exact nature and complexity of that life, however, is still unknown. 

LJ: Were mermaids real? 

ChatGPT: Mermaids are mythical creatures that have been a part of folklore and legends for centuries. There is no scientific evidence that suggests the existence of mermaids in reality. While there have been reports of mermaid sightings throughout history, these have been largely dismissed as hoaxes, misidentifications of known creatures, or the result of imagination and storytelling. Therefore, it is generally accepted that mermaids are not real. 

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I like you. Do you like me?

So, a man asked me for my “stuff” over the holidays. More precisely he offered to do “stuff’ with me or to me. “Stuff” is my word. In the moment I couldn’t quite process that a neighbor was propositioning me for sex in such crude, unsolicited, non-encouraged and awkward manner. But more astonishingly, he assumed access to my body, energy, life, home, bed, and time only required him saying he “likes” me. 

Before he got to his coup de grâce of “liking me,” I tried to derail him, and in my mind, had turned him down multiple times in the conversation. I deflected, changed the topic, greeted other neighbors, but he was laser focused with liquid courage (I’m guessing). Men act like they’re too sensitive for rejection, but they are in fact aggressive revisionists who think of “no” as a challenging obstacle to overcome. Or overpower. 

He approached me in my driveway late on a Saturday evening as I was stepping out for a food run. It was dark with only one streetlight on my end of the street, and cold as winter was entering its deep freeze in Wisconsin. I thought I recognized him, but my night vision isn’t the greatest, so I was on edge as his dark shadowy figure moved towards me without speaking. As I walked down my porch stairs, I called him by name and asked how his holidays were going. Midway down the stairs, my motion light came on, brightening my driveway.  I could see him clearly now, but his lack of verbal response made me uneasy.  

He is hard of hearing, but he normally tries to cup his ear and ask me to repeat myself. Or simply wave and shout his own greeting. This time he didn’t speak until he was nearly toe-to-toe with me – far too close for my comfort – he finally responded quietly that his holidays were going fine. Then he stared at me and said, “You’re so pretty.” Almost like a whisper. Somewhat bemused.  

The Color Purple, 1985. Mister attempting to convince Nettie to be his wife.

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Reflective Questions

  • What are you offering in exchange for access to someone’s body and life?
  • What are you willing to accept in exchange for access to your body and life?
  • How do you evaluate what you’re willing to share? 
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Are you listening? 

Listening: give one’s attention to a sound; take notice of and act on what someone says; respond to advice or a request; make an effort to hear something; be alert and ready to hear something. 

In recent years, mostly since the pandemic began, I have become aware that the people I had been most comfortable speaking to – i.e., bearing my soul to – are not good listeners. Not only that, there’s no evidence they take the time to hear any of the words I actually speak. 

All my relationships have relied heavily on telephone time for the last twenty years. None transitioned to social media well. I’ve rarely been in the same space or state with family or friends for well over a decade.  

Nearly two years ago, I returned to Milwaukee where I lived for high school and college, for what was supposed to be a summer stay. My goal was to purchase, renovate and flip a property while spending time with my sister. For nearly twenty years prior, home had been elsewhere. There were two old friends I had maintained contact with over the years. I had last seen them both in 2018. Neither were interested in connecting upon my return. After the initial sting, I was and am completely okay with that. Above all else I did not want to get wrapped up in the lives of people who hadn’t grown much in twenty years. My focus was my first real estate investment project and seeing where that would lead.   

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Barbershop Theology

Rebutting Black Men on the Woman King

It’s disappointing & infuriating to see Black Women constantly attacked by black men. The common theme is: a strong Black Woman erases the Black Man. i.e. there’s no need for a man if a woman can live in her own strength & purpose. This line of thought usually leads to what a woman’s role and place are (spoiler: obedient & beneath a man).

One IG poster started in on Wakanda Forever. He was outraged by all the powerful Black Women in the trailer. Where are the Black Men, he screamed! I would rather they replace Chadwick Boseman than put a woman in the panther suit, even though that’s how it happened in the comic book!” Ok, bruh. He went from outrage with Wakanda Forever (we all know it hasn’t even been released yet), to outrage with Woman King. He loves Viola, of course he does, but how dare she call herself a king! His Woman King post is at the end of my video commentary. Pause/screenshot it to read.

Part 1: Rebutting Black Men on the Woman King https://youtu.be/PwKgb5PDAL4

For those who have seen the movie, what are your thoughts?

For those who don’t want to see the movie, what are your reservations?

Threat of Equal Partnership

I was able to verbally rebut this idiocy in a barbershop. The loud and wrong men called me sexist for insisting that Black Men are not the only ones in danger. “Why you gotta keep bringing up Black Women,” they yelled. They called me a bougie Christian for saying I want an equal partner in marriage. “What, you think you’re white? Talking about a partner… why don’t you want a HUSBAND or do you mean you’re a lesbian,” they laughed uproariously. They kept repeating in different ways that men and women are not equal as something ordained by God. I asked for scripture, they had none.

The thing that choked me into a stutter was that each of them claimed they were good men. Truly stunning to me. Nothing they said represented goodness. How can you be a good man when you don’t even see the goodness you’re claiming for yourself in the woman God created? What’s good about inferiority? You think women are less than – how is that honorable? How is that praiseworthy?

Part 2: Equal Partners

#womanking #thewomanking #ruler #advisor #vision #leader #violadavis #hollywood #men #women #gender #politics #moviereview #igtv #reels

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Watch “Men sharing grace and gentle energy” on YouTube

NOTE: If you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube channel, please head over and subscribe! I usually post my full videos there before I get to cutting them up or writing about them for the blog. With 26 more subscribers, I can name my channel so it will be easier to find.

Over the last weeks, I’ve been feeling a shift in energy. Nothing has changed with me, so I don’t think I’m initiating the shift. Since I’m sharing encounters about men who for the most part don’t know each other, I think the shift is on the larger scale of planetary alignment or vortex vibrations through the universe. (😇 ha ha ha)

I’ve been posting clips of this video on Instagram (@harvestphoto1). The whole enchilada is a chuckle-fest of recent encounters with men that have left me laughing and feeling cared for. This is a far cry from the norm over the last few years that usually left me feeling violated, infuriated and disregarded. It’s an appreciation of being able to share moments of gentleness and grace with folks who prefer being gruffly obtuse.

Survive to tell your story.

Are you food for the predators? Or the one that got away? In this story, the man shares how he insured his family understood what “every man, woman and child for themselves” really means!

Having honest conversations with people with nothing to hide is refreshing. Be true to yourself. Your perspective and personality will leave an impact.

Leo Season!

As tired and haggard as I think I look sometimes, it’s nice to know it doesn’t completely show. Why would someone call me, “Liar in July”? Happy August, folks! Or as I like to say, Happy Birthday Month to ME! 😊

This is my girl!

If stated intentions confirmed courtship, I would be booed up with half the block at this point. One of my neighbors introduced me as his “girl” at a block party this weekend. His bold disregard for reality made me laugh. Where was all this energy in high school?

“I love you as a Woman of God and as a Friend”

Say it plain. Keep it simple. This text from a friend of thirty years, is still warming my heart!

Just wanted to say I love you so much …as a woman of God and as a friend. I also want to share how much I appreciate you for who you are and our connection as well. You are an amazing person and I’m honored to have you as part of my life’s experience. Many many blessings to you and talk soon. 👍🏽🤗🙏🏽✊🏽

#story #tellyourstory #survive #family time #unconditionallove #life #inlivingcolor #truth #honesty #trust #joy #laughter #hiking #trails #grandcanyon #story #tellyourstory #survive #family time #unconditionallove #life #inlivingcolor #truth #honesty #trust #joy #laughter

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You’re Invited: Virtual Bible Study

Hello Friends:

I’m working on setting up a series of online discussions and workshops covering various topics.

This topic is a virtual Bible Study. Listen to my thoughts here:

What do you think? Would you participate? It would be between #Zoom and #Whatsapp or perhaps a combo of both. If you’d like to participate, please send me your email address and I’ll send a link or details once the first meeting is organized.

 

#biblestudy #women #men #faith #learning #sharing #growth #joy #beyou #youare #love

Update 10/18/20: The first meeting has been scheduled. Please see Virtual Bible Study: Marriage & Relationship for details.

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Idris: A Turkish Student in New York City

Following a rally demanding the reunification of the abducted children the United States government abscounded with at the southern border, with their their parents, I began a conversation with a first generation Irish American woman. Our lingering conversation intrigued Idris, a Turkish student studying film in the city. He had been filming during and after the rally and asked for a short statement from us. I in turn asked to film a statement from him. Unfortunately, I missed the first half of his truly enlightening statement because I forgot to hit record. Luckily, I’m not being graded! Take a listen and share his story!

Idris bw
It turned out we were filming with the exact same camera. That made us both happy!

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A conversation and a song

Today was a blah day. This whole week I’ve been low on energy. Tonight on my way home, a young homeless man called out to me as I walked past with a classmate, “Can you buy me something to eat?” This is a common question in New York City. I do what I can when I can, and basically keep it moving. I asked him if he knew what he wanted. He said yes. We went into the restaurant. My classmate followed. There was a line; he and I got in it. My classmate had a large bag so she stood off to the side.

I started asking him questions. Are you a student? How long have you been homeless? Where do you normally stay? How long have you lived in New York? How are you doing overall? He answered some of the questions and deflected others, but he was very adamant in telling me what bothered him about the world. “How am I doing,” he repeated. “How should I be doing when so many people hate me? People hate me because I’m gay. They hate me because I sing and they don’t want me too. They don’t want me to be anything and they tell me that. But I’m not going to hate them back. And I’m going to keep singing.”

I looked him in the eye and said, “Can I share something with you that I’ve learned over the last twenty years?”

He looked taken aback. “I shared that with you because I thought you wanted me to be real,” he said cautiously.

“I do. Thank you for sharing. I just want to save you some time and energy. From the last twenty years of my life, I can tell you: people don’t hate you because you’re gay. People hate you because people are hateful. It’s just people being people. Don’t over-complicate it. I can’t tell you how often I asked myself , ‘Why me? Why are people treating me like this or that? What if I was different? What if I did what they wanted me to do? What if I was a better person?’ But you know what? None of that mattered. People hated me because they wanted to. Hate is what people do. I had to learn to appreciate who I am. You need accept who you are. When you accept all the various aspects of yourself, other peoples’ thoughts about you will no longer matter. Learn to appreciate yourself. Learn to love yourself.”

He looked a bit dreamy-eyed and touched his head to my shoulder for a second – I admit I wasn’t expecting that. Then he looked me in the eye and asked if he could sing me a song.

“I’m not one to silence anyone’s voice,” I replied, “please do.” We were still in the middle of a slow-moving line in a restaurant in Union Square. He began singing a beautiful song in his beautiful voice. Halfway through I began lip-syncing along with him. My heart was lifted and I believe he lifted the hearts of several people in the line also.

He sang I Still Believe by Brenda K. Starr; the song was later covered by Mariah Carey.

When he finished, I had more questions for him, as did my classmate and soon we were at the register. He ordered his meal and I asked him his name.

Brandon. His name is Brandon.

A short while later, after leaving the restaurant and parting with my classmate,  I searched online for the song he sang to me. If there’s one spark of hope left in my grasp, I’ll hold it with both hands. It’s worth the risk of burning to have a second chance…If we believe that true love never has to end, then we must know that we will love again.

What Brandon gave me

I was in need of a song. I desperately needed a word. Brandon started his serenade off with “You looked into my eyes….”

Shortly before me and my classmate came into contact with Brandon, my classmate saw someone on campus from another of her classes. She walked up to this woman and said, “Do you see me?” Before we parted company with that woman, my classmate told her, “When you see me, say ‘hi’ and I will do the same.” The woman was taken aback by both statements,  however the first statement she didn’t take literally at first and she asked, “How do you mean, ‘Do I see you’?” However by the end of their conversation she understood it literally and returned to the first question to answer succinctly, “This is the first time I am seeing you and I did speak.”

Brandon gave me clarity.

Photo: Through The Looking Glass by Lisa Richelle
Photo: Through The Looking Glass by Lisa Richelle

I see people for who they are. I hear the things they don’t say. I feel their pain, confusion and their sense of loss. That’s what they willingly reveal to me… until they realize that in understanding their pain, I’m also able to follow them when they withdraw and hide within themselves. I invade their hiding places. I confront them in their fears. All this happens simply through the sharing of conversation.

Every friend I’ve gained through conversation, I have also loss through conversation. People are happy to tell you what they think you want to hear, but they can’t stand to share the truth of themselves. I have no problem with sharing my truth, but I’ve come to learn that my openness is the beginning of the end of my friend and family relationships. People reject openness, honesty, truth and love. After so many endings, I had started to despair that I could ever love people through, and beyond, their rejection of me.

And then during a random encounter with a young man named Brandon, I was briefly pulled out of hiding and heard that I will love again.

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Summary of Lessons Learned in October 2012


by LaShawnda Jones 
(unless otherwise noted)

Click on a lesson to link to its corresponding blog post.

Lesson 1: Marriage is all about the partnership of two individuals who have chosen to become one. A partnership between a man, who is created to work and a woman, who is created to help. The partnership works best when the husband accepts the mantle of responsibility to provide for and lead his wife and children, and the wife accepts his covering which equips her to support and manage the needs of her husband and their household.

Lesson 2: I have to wonder if you considered other hateful words but recoiled from the backlash.
Well, Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor.
No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.
Come join us someday at Special Olympics.  See if you can walk away with your heart unchanged.
~ John Franklin Stephens, Open Letter to Ann Coulter

Lesson 3: [I’m] encourage[d]… to continue to speak in faith even when entering a conversation with someone who has different viewpoints; when the Holy Spirit is present, understanding will come. 

Lesson 4: “I really need my own husband; you guys are awesome!”

Lesson 5: What I took away from our conversation was the need to pay more attention to the masculinity in the man. To treat a man’s masculinity as something I wish to nurture rather than destroy.

Lesson 6: I pray that when I marry, I learn to have an open ear and heart for my husband always. I pray I don’t become a woman who poisons the well of communication in my marriage.

Lesson 7: Life is hard, exhausting work. If you aren’t willing to put in the work for your own life, then don’t be surprised at the outcome. If you only show up for the easy events, you’re going to miss out on the true blessings best identified by experience, maintained by conditioning and enjoyed with passion.

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A Taste of Partnership

The former head of my department at work implemented what he called the “two-partner” approach to problem solving. He encouraged his managers to call on each other to talk through difficult or complex issues. He assured them that the process of talking through the problem would yield perspectives and solutions that the solo person never would have considered. 

In the single female world, we call our girlfriends when we need to two-partner. But I’ve come to learn that girl talk is still one-sided as it is only a female perspective. I’ve also come to realize I have long been at a disadvantage without a male perspective to two-partner through issues with.

But God is good. This has been an exceptionally difficult year, but I can look back and see where God provided male voices I could hear, trust and listen to. As I sit here and write, I am exceptionally happy for their words of concern and guidance.

Usually, I am quick to say that I don’t have any male friends, but as I review this post, I see that there have been men who have stood as a friend to me in various situations through the years. They may not be a daily presence in my life, but when they have shown up, they have been fully present for me in that moment. This year, God has allowed some solid men to offer their voice to some of my decisions, dilemmas and transitions, and I must say I’ve been lapping up their words, suggestions and guidance with the eagerness of a leaderless scout following a glowing arrow in the woods.

A couple of years ago, I sat in on some small group Bible studies with an out-reach pastor in the City. Last spring, I sought him out before I left for Israel because I had some concerns and questions that I really needed to talk through. He was a good person to “two-partner” with regarding my desire to go to Israel and all the associated concerns. He asked for a follow-up meeting upon my return and from there we began meeting every other week to discuss any other Biblical topics or themes that came to mind. He has been a blessing. I had prayed long and hard for someone to discuss and explore the Word of God with. Our one-on-one Bible meetings have been incredibly thought provoking and edifying for us both. More than that, knowing that he’s a traditional Bible teacher who doesn’t believe women should be heard from in the assembly of the church (i.e. he quotes 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 which says women should be silent in the church and ask their husbands questions at home regarding the teachings) added a very interesting layer to our conversations. To be told by a pastor, who’s been teaching for thirty years, that our discussions have him looking at the Word from different angles encourages me to continue to speak in faith even when entering a conversation with someone who has different viewpoints; when the Holy Spirit is present, understanding will come.     

On the work front, there’s a former colleague who’s been going through huge family growth and transition since we first met three years ago. He provided a voice of reason when I shared thoughts about a cross-country move in the late spring. Based on his experience as a husband and father, he suggested options and scenarios that never crossed my mind. He shared the things he considered when he and his wife made their first big move and when he moved his young family more recently. It was quite eye-opening, hearing the things a man thinks about in such a situation, especially because my own decision to relocate was completely based on my emotions. Sharing with him and hearing his feedback grounded me in a way that I couldn’t manage to ground myself. At the end of our conversation, I said with a little bit of awe, “I really need my own husband; you guys are awesome!”

Over the summer, I was able to connect with an old friend who proved to be a great support in the past. We hadn’t spoken in a while, but from the word, “Hey” it was laugh-therapy with quite a bit of sharing about how our worlds and focus have changed over the years. We spoke about our current challenges and the hopes that were sustaining us. It was nice to “two-partner” with someone who knows how I think and can understand my conclusions without a drawn-out personal history lesson for background. We just jumped right into the listening, guidance and support portions of the conversation. As always, I was uplifted by the exchange. 

There was another co-worker who, for well over a year, heard my gripes, joys and hopes on a regular basis. He listened with attentive ears and offered very insightful council. And more often than not, he shared his own gripes, joys and hopes as well. We were both cheerleaders and receivers to one another – often times in the same conversation.

This fall, I had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with a social brother I rarely see. We had something of a public disagreement last year via social media. We made up, in a way, via other forms of media. Since then, we’ve seen each other a couple of times in groups and got along well. But when we ran into each other a few weeks ago, he made a point of telling me that my public rebuke “had him feeling some kind of way”…. Even though he understood why I did it and acknowledged that a rebuke may have been necessary, he said he wished I would have pulled him to the side and said my piece offline. I thought about it. I heard him, really I did. I briefly defended myself by stating that I responded to the offense in the same forum that I received it. Then I assured him that, in future, I would endeavor to keep any criticisms for private conversation.

I don’t know about you, but that was huge for me. I’ve been telling people for years that you have to teach people how to treat you. The same holds true for me – I have to be taught how to respond to individuals in a constructive way for my relationship with them. Some people don’t pay attention to my bluntness. Other’s pay attention, but don’t care. Then there are those who hear and care, but would appreciate a softer word to respond to. The fact that we “two-partnered” our own relationship was enlightening and encouraging. What I took away from our conversation was the need to pay more attention to the masculinity in the man. To treat a man’s masculinity as something I wish to nurture rather than destroy.

Last in this short list of men who have given me a taste of two-partnerhood, is the neighbor who speaks to me so comfortably about some of his troubles that his wife has two-partnered with me a couple of times regarding him. He speaks to me of things his wife has told him (and me) that she has no interest in talking to him about or she doesn’t otherwise want to hear. I’m not suggesting this is a good practice to allow or encourage, however, I have learned a valuable lesson from them: I pray that when I marry, I learn to have an open ear and heart for my husband always. I pray I don’t become a woman who poisons the well of communication in my marriage.

The men briefly profiled here have provided positive examples of manhood for me over the past seven years. Looking back on what I’ve learned from my interactions with them, I am able to see that God heard my cry and answered my supplication in my book, My God and Me: Listening, Learning and Growing on My Journey, where I wrote a great deal about how I had no positive examples of marriage while growing up. Throughout the book, it was evident that there was an early and long struggle for me to respect many of the males who had impacted my early life. In my early experience, men did not act like men and I saw no need to treat them as if they were. By the time I published My God and MeI had disposed of all that worn-out baggage and was looking for better experiences for my life.

Now, as I look back on what I term an “exceptionally difficult year”, I see an exceptional shift in my preparation for marriage. God has seen fit to connect me to men whose masculinity is tempered with compassion, humor, vulnerability and wisdom. He connected me to men who communicate and follow-through on their care and concern for my well-being.

I no longer see the negative representatives of manhood from my early life when I think of the man I will partner with. I see a collage made of:

Men who want to be husbands
Men who truly want to become fathers
Men who are actively caring for their children
Men who are dedicated leaders in their home
Men who work hard to provide for their family
Men who want to communicate with their wife
Men who want to share their real selves – the good, the bad and the ugly – with their wife
Men who actually want to be MEN – with all the strength and vulnerability that entails

I see a man who will be a confidant, friend, guide, lover, motivator, protector, provider, supporter, visionary and more to this woman who wants to be the same and more to him.