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The Fig Tree (excerpt)

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

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My husband is not my soul mate.

Shawnda’s response to “My Husband is Not My Soul Mate”

July 24, 2013 at 6:12 am

My response to this blog is pretty much a post, so I am reblogging it with my response. I welcome your thoughts and comments as well.

Thanks for sharing your heart in this post. I am single and in my late 30′s. I have wanted to be married for the last ten years. I dated throughout my 20′s and I have always seen a husband in my future. I too had the lists of characteristics I wanted in my spouse. I will also say that I’ve been celibate since the age of 18 – a one night stand was the last time my spirit allowed me to rebel sexually. I share all this because I believe that God has had a very real and direct guidance and correction in my life. He was present and active in every choice I have made. His guidance and influence are especially visible when I look back on my life. There are many things that I wanted and many things that I chose throughout my 20′s that were not part of God’s plan for my life. How do I know that? Because none of it worked out in my life. Many things fell mid-flight. The men, once so eager to talk to me or impress me simply disappeared. All this BEFORE I committed myself to God and His instructions for life. My committed walk with God began about 8yrs ago. In my covenant relationship with my Father God, I have learned to ask Him to use me according to His will, to conform me according to His character and nature and to change my heart to desire the things He desires to give me in life.

In all these years, only one man has able to reach my heart and sear my soul. One man. Even when I had the illusion of choosing from many others, far more practical choices; even when I thought I didn’t want this man because of His seemingly loose way of walking out his faith, my thoughts and my focus return to him. I am convinced that he is my husband and I am convinced that God has been working on us both for many years to prepare us for the full glory, honor and work that is a covenant marriage with Jesus in the center, guided and enriched by God’s Holy Spirit. We have both made many choices over the years that have seemingly put a huge gulf between us, but God with His mercy and planning always show us how connected we are in the smallest of instances and the slightest of events.

I share this because I think you’re giving yourself far too much credit. Yes, we have free will. But I truly believe that God’s biggest pleasure with each of us comes when we CHOOSE to yield/surrender/give our full lives back to Him. When we allow Him control of our lives, He is better able to mold us more fully into His image. I am because HE IS. Apart from God, my choices are nothing and they amount to very little in life. But with God, my choices are everything and life is a true wonder of daily miracles. The daily choice I take responsibility for is surrendering to God everything that is me, so that He will fill me with more of Himself. As you may already know, there are many days when surrender is not a thought in my mind or is stubbornly resisted – those days, I don’t want to be merciful, loving, or generous. However, after a while of wallowing in my own darkness, I return yet again broken and surrendered to His light and His will for me to love others as He loves me.

Thus the point of my post, if your primary focus is only to commit to loving your husband every day, what happens on the days when you are without the strength to do so? Is it only on those days that you seek God and ask for His strength to love your man as He originally intended?

It’s unfortunate that your parents burst your bubble/belief about God’s deep concern and attention to every detail of your life. His word does say that He takes an active interest in our lives. And our marriages are a reflection of our relationship with Him. You are not as in control as you think you are, but you can remain blind to all that our Father is blessing you with and growing you for.

Lord, you have examined me and know all about me.

You know when I sit down and when I get up.

You know my thoughts before I think them.

You know where I go and where I lie down.

You know everything I do.

Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it.

You are all around me — in front and in back — and have put your hand on me.

Your knowledge is amazing to me; it is more than I can understand.   

Psalm 139:1-6

Be blessed, sister. May you and your husband and your marriage be conduits of God’s grace, mercy and love always.

Related posts:

He is my husband...

Husband, do you love me?

Wife, do you respect me?

Sacrifice, Submission, Surrender

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Talk to the hand…

I love the messages people have been writing on hands and posting to the internet. So much so, I’ve started a collection. If you have some to add, please share in the comment section.

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Today’s lesson: Throwing up your hand(s) is not always a sign of giving up. Sometimes it’s an emphatic command to halt actions/behaviors that are working against you. And other times, it’s an invitation to welcome the good things on offer from those sent to help you. 

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You are the change…

You are the change you have been waiting for. No one else can ignite your world the way you can just by making a decision for your life and following through with it.

Someone told me this week after denying a request of mine, “You have to make sure it’s worth it for you.”

Basically, the message was: they weren’t going to help me with what I had decided to do, so if I planned to follow-through on my decision, I had to make sure the effort was worth it for me.

That stung. It also energized me. I had been getting cold feet about my decision, but that one comment reminded me that change in my life is not dependent on anyone helping me with my load. It’s not dependent on anyone being present in my life. Change in my life is not dependent on anyone or anything but ME. It depends on how I see myself, not in this moment but in the next. It depends on what I believe I can accomplish and the steps I commit myself to in order to reach my goal(s). I AM the change I’ve been waiting for. You are the change you’ve been waiting for.

Change = decision + do

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You are the change…

You are the change you have been waiting for. No one else can ignite your world the way you can just by making a decision for your life and following through with it.

Someone told me this week after denying a request of mine, “You have to make sure it’s worth it for you.”

Basically, the message was: they weren’t going to help me with what I had decided to do, so if I planned to follow-through on my decision, I had to make sure the effort was worth it for me.

That stung. It also energized me. I had been getting cold feet about my decision, but that one comment reminded me that change in my life is not dependent on anyone helping me with my load. It’s not dependent on anyone being present in my life. Change in my life is not dependent on anyone or anything but ME. It depends on how I see myself, not in this moment but in the next. It depends on what I believe I can accomplish and the steps I commit myself to in order to reach my goal(s). I AM the change I’ve been waiting for. You are the change you’ve been waiting for.

Change = decide + do

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Choose today…

Every morning you wake up, each day you live on, will be marked by the choices you make.

Every choice you make identifies your master. Everything you do points to your passion. What’s driving you will show in the choices you make.

All your todays add up to all your tomorrows. If you choose something today that you don’t want for your tomorrow, just remember the choice was, is and will always be yours. So… be intentional about what you think about today. Be purposeful about what you do today.