Reflection Journal, Day 10

One thought on “Reflection Journal, Day 10”

1. Rest
   Focus
   Filter

   I literally stayed in bed the whole day yesterday. Didn’t even get up to forage for food. I have a lot of work to do and a good amount of correspondence to write. Nothing got done. I turned on the tv, but didn’t bother changing the chanel… not once all day.

   I ended up watching The Walking Dead all day. Throughout my time with the series, I wondered how this show captured such a loyal & enthusiastic following. Can’t say that I’m impressed. It’s full of unnecessary, gratuitous violence, vileness, brutality, and evil. It crossed my mind a few times that the end of the world as imagined by white men is always a violent devolution of humanity. It’s group think and power grabs. Vicious men killing other vicious men and terrorizing women to assert their control and right to lead. This was The Walking Dead’s formula season after season.

   I know, this doesn’t sound like rest. But it functioned as a way for my mind to walk through world problems without actually engaging with the world. My body and spirit were at rest while my mind touched on some things.

   Why is it that a series hasn’t been written showcasing the best of humanity? Or humans seeking equilibrium in times of crises? Why is trauma after trauma provided as entertainment or solutions or the “natural order” of things?

   Humanity has not survived for an indeterminate hundreds of thousands of years because we’ve always killed each other on sight. At some point, we look at each other and take stock of how we compliment others in the environments we share. Strength is truly found in unity. Perhaps that’s why we are fed disjointed horrorscape narratives that feed us lies of isolation and the survival of the fittest. To keep us separated and weakened.

   Being rested allows me to see from beyond myself, to view the illusion for what it is and look for a way to engage better moving forward.

   Focusing on different elements and their potential impact allows me to brace myself and perhaps moderate my reaction when the time comes.

   Focus itself becomes a filter. Limiting what I expose myself to has been the best way I’ve cared for my emotional health in recent years.

   In short, disconnecting from the world, while still seeing it for what it is allows me some objectivity. Which in turn allows some emotional regulation throughout the course of life lifing. To maintain my equilibrium as much as possible, I filter out potentially overwhelming things. It’s easy to become overwrought in a society that’s intent on overriding natural instincts and processes as well as overloading senses.

   Knowing my limits and my remedies are the best possible emotional care I can provide myself with.

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