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Poem: Attention Seeker

You have my attention

never lost it, despite

trampling it with dismissive ridicule

What will you do with it now

What have you ever done

To keep my focus and hope

other than laugh and brag with friends

while keeping me in perpetual limbo

Indeed, have you ever given me

your purposeful attention

Focused your energy on me

Strove to be more than

a nice guy liked by all

Did you ever envision yourself

as a man of integrity standing by my side

A man of purpose joining his strength to my vision

Unlikely, as your form of noncommunication

layered with emotional hiding

seduced me into the shadows

I can think all the thoughts or not one,

do nothing, say nothing

and get the same wide-eyed,

“I’m a nice guy” non-response

received when I did everything

to look like a fool out of my depth

A foolish woman

who gathered all my available courage

to speak all my known words

of admiration, love and desire

To a being who sparked the light in my spirit

yet could not comprehend the nature of my offer

Now I understand my vibration

was beyond your frequency

You couldn’t perceive me

beyond the physical appearance

you considered unworthy of your commitment

My attention meant nothing when it was all I had to give

Even though it’s what you wanted most from me.

You were attracted to my light but had no respect for it.

Yet here we are orbiting still

What are your intentions?

Do I willingly enter your rabbit hole

of emotional grief with no hope of any satiation

To allow you to feast off my energy

Watch you eat

As I starve

You bask

I wither

You soar

I drown

You chose someone else

I grew in grace, seeking understanding

from a God who would put you

in my spirit, yet keep you out of my life

Maybe you were never the one

I was to commit my future to

Perhaps the real test is trusting God to provide

beyond what I sense in a life set on orbiting you. 

What do you think?

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