Yesterday, I presented a workshop titled Navigating Trauma for A Woman’s Harvest. The research leading up to is was triggering to say the least. And surprisingly unsettling.
In reviewing definitions, I read how the most jarring ones fit me exactly. Some were clear explanations of experience and exposure. But they missed the mark on duration. “This trauma would be experienced for hours, days, perhaps months.” Meanwhile, the list represents daily traumas that never abate for many people who have crossed my path and those who share their lives online. I also read how I appear to be such an example of resilience, my self-soothing practices may make my life seem somewhat rosy.
Trauma is simply explained as a wound. Physical, psychological, emotional, and/or spiritual – individual. Generational, cultural, institutional – collective. Our response to the hurt depends on our relationship to elements of it and our association of it. Were we really close to the person on the other side of the wound? Was the location it happened in significant? Is the environment causing harm something we can adapt to or escape from?
Men’s Reentry Panel
Earlier in the week, while listening to a panel of formerly incarcerated men explain their current low points despite being overall success stories for reentry into society, I was taken aback by how much of what each of the four multi-ethnic men shared was trauma. The thinking that led to their incarceration. And the thinking that has kept them out. The emotional and psychological wounds that bleed into life practice go deep.
We can’t escape our conditioning, but we can reformat our minds and lives. Reformatting requires drastic measures, and letting go of things that may have been impossible before.
Some direct, reflective questions that came out of the men’s panel were:
• Who have you hurt the most?
• Who have you been hurt by the most?
• Are you ready to let go of things that don’t help you?
• Are you ready for a relationship?
• Are you someone who can offer something to someone in a relationship?
Before the panel was over, I looked at my seat neighbor and said, “Everything is trauma.”
Everyone is hurting.
Everyone is trying to self-soothe.
A Woman’s Harvest is offering awareness, knowledge, and understanding the best we can where we are.
Workshop Thoughts and Feedback
When I developed my workshop schedule, I had in mind some would be co-ed and some would be women only. Last month’s Budget and Life Planning Workshop had one 30-something man attend. He did no prep work and refused to participate in the workshop activity of drafting a budget and tweeking it throughout the session. One of the women was very emotional and effusive about her life experiences. Every line of her budget was related to a hardship in her life. As I walked her through how to pull her information together to create a more representative budget for herself, she shared more and more personal details about her life. The sharing was in loud and somewhat astonished outbursts. At first the man laughed at everything she said. Admittedly, her delivery was often funny. However, her content was truly heartbreaking. There was a point where I couldn’t catch my breath and almost blacked out from laughing so hard – not at one of the traumas. The whole room was laughing, including her.
At no point was my laughter in ridicule. The man seemed to be laughing with judgment. Towards the end, he seemed to warm up and began sharing personal stories as well. He asked if he could pray for the room. We agreed. His prayer included an ad for his business.
His energy and intent were off and offputting.
I had invited him and his wife because I thought we could collaborate on workshops where I wanted to focus on body-image and self-esteem. His business is a mentorship for young athletes. He came alone. Who wants a collaborator who doesn’t prep or participate and laughs at partipants?
He was one of two men who signed up for this month’s workshop, Navigating Trauma. I was extremely apprehenive. With men in the room, I figured it would turn into a very basic informational meeting about the mechanics of trauma.
My relief was heartfelt when he text’d to say he wasn’t attending, but his wife would be there. Even more relieved when the other man didn’t show. I shared my relief with everyone in the room, including the wife. They all felt the same. They also verbalized how different it would be with male energy and presence in the room.
I took that as confirmation to keep all the emotional baggage review workshops to women only. Perhaps, etonly allow men to register for the budget and reentry workshops. My heart is for women, but I’m a helper who knows some men can benefit from women gathered for healing.
The consensus in the room was for a trauma workshop series to dig deeper into types and remedies. I’m willing to do that.
An amazing follow up from the Budget & Life Planning Workshop was the woman with the emotional commentary for her line items, returned for Navigating Trauma. The first thing she shared was that what she spent on one of her recreational line items over three years could have completely paid off a debt she’s been struggling with for years. Recognizing that led her to make real time adjustments.
Being able to share tools, and the training to use them, with people so they can help themselves is its own reward.
Harvest Life 