J.S. Park 박준 on Death
Twitter/X @jsparkblog
I’ve been a hospital chaplain now for eight years at hundreds of deathbeds. I want to tell you something I’ve witnessed.
Most people, at the end, realize they’ve spent a lot of their life hiding. Sometimes by choice, or because they could not safely choose to be themselves.
At a deathbed, if my patient can communicate, they show they’re dying two deaths: the one they’re dying & then the death of the life they really wanted to live.
But in their dying, some are also free. To tell me who they are. What they wanted. Who they had to hide. Finally free.
Once, my patient, as he was dying, told me something like this: “What was I so afraid of? All the people that I lived for are dead now, too.”
This is a morbid thought, harsh, & very real.
I catch their dying dreams as they sail off into the unreturned. I am a last witness.
Not everyone is able to fully embody themselves, achieve their dreams, pursue their goals, for all sorts of reasons, systemic & traumatic.
I hope to fight & right these inequities.
And at death, if I can help my patient be themselves, even for the briefest moment — I will.
I’ve said it before & will again:
I’ve heard so many regrets.
Please. I plead with you. Live deeply. You may be young now, but it goes. Fast. It is a breath. Do not waste time on everyone else’s vision for you. I know it is not this easy. In all the ways you can, please be here.
Harvest Life 